For lack of any other text for Kaboomka Bay, we present a 1995 assessment of the municipality, a report titled:
The Great Eating Table
In our wide heavy town, Kaboomka Bay,
we fat jolly people eat, love, and play.
We’re merry, we’re cubby, and burp quite a lot
and each happy fatty thinks diets are rot.
We call ourselves fatties because we are big.
Should you call us fatties, we won’t care a fig
and we really won’t care if you’re a bean pole,
unless you’re unpleasant – a freak of control.
For ’trols are so grumpy! They never have fun
or see how much better two cakes are to one.
And they don’t understand big’s really quite good.
Why, were we not large we’d not eat as we should.
For we eat when we want and don’t ever care
if pink bouncy bums peek from our underwear.
We have no concerns about anyone’s looks;
we care only for breakfast, lunch, dinner…cooks!
The base of our people is amazingly broad.
We’re all of the colours and textures of God:
the softs and the hards, the fats and the thins,
all of them wearing their status with grins.
There’s Mitzi and Martha and Florence, their friend,
– and don’t forget David who set quite a trend
eating breakfast for dinner and lunch before bed
and Horace’s supper out back with Old Fred.
(Poor Horace was livid! He really got mad.
That supper was all of the dinner he had!
“You’re worse than a moocher!” cried Horace with grief
as he snacked on a turkey, his only relief.)
We once had a mayor (it was some time ago),
but she tired of the job and its large paper flow,
so she ordered a vote and asked “Yes or yes?”
and the job of the mayor was retired like a dress
that had been overworn and behind the day’s fashion.
Mayor Flo Dollie then returned to her passion
for cupcakes and twizzlers and cakes to the nines
and the chocolate mousse cottage where she always dines.
Our town’s population is always in flux,
increasing daily for food is the crux
of our living and giving and lazing around –
let us just say it’s where leisure is crowned
both king and queen, eased royalty
to whom all the people have a great loyalty,
for here we can be just as we are
and eat so much more than in places afar.
In our cottage-land world, Kaboomka Bay,
life is an endless and tasty buffet
where getting in shape means putting on weight
and nobody says, “No thanks, I just ate.”
Everyone’s welcome to visit our town.
If they bring their own fork, they may settle down
to pastries and hot dogs and any entree
at the great eating table – Kaboomka Bay.
March 24, 1995